How do you live a life that seems to be going wrong?  How do you go on with something that seems not to be working well?  How do you hold your head high on a crowd laughing at you?  How do you say to yourself that everything is fine when nothing is actually right?  How?…


Learn to face life as it is!  Hard as it maybe but you have the power to control your OWN life…  You’ll never solve any problem by running away from them.  Likewise, acknowledging the existence of a problem is NOT a solution.  It is just the first step of solving the problem.  You got to face it!  Decide!  And be firm with your decisions…  Accept every consequences so you’ll get to harbour every reward.

Remeber that every problem is a test.  You never have to passed everything (bcoz you’ll never be able to do it… everyone has to fail in some other ways) But you have to LEARN ALL THE TIME…  That’s a rule.  Experience will always be your best teacher.  Always remember to stand up everytime you fall.  You’ll never be able to reach the finish line if you just stay there and pity yourself.  Stand up and remember that every person has to carry his own burden… his own cross..

Remember this:  The world never gives special attention to anyone.  Every person has his own burden.  Every person fails.  Every person cries.  Every person is bothered by his own problems.  But you know what sets others apart?  Its their ability to handle their problem…  Its their way of carrying their crosses…  Its their way of running the race…  Because they are LIVING THEIR LIFE AS IT IS!


Well, there it goes.  My lesson…  Yes, it came from me…  I was the one speaking… Actually I was talking to myself (again?) But this time, I’m taking it seriously…  To prove something… OUT OF LOVE…

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Question_marks_2Who am I? Sure you wanna know? Hah! Hope I know the answer…  Don’t really understand what is goin on with me, myself and I lately… Is it the people around me? Or is it the people whose NOT around me? Or maybe both… God I need a break! Pleassseee.. Maybe a place where there are no worries, no heart aches, no sleepless nights, no hurt, no tears, no cries… Is there such a place? Where I would not need to worry about my future? Where my life would just be as easy as 1-2-3? Or maybe just a place where there are nobody around but me and …?


Whew…Am I being so stubborn? Am I really that hard-headed?  Am I really a worthless fellow? Why is it that destiny would not give me a fair game?  Should destiny be always unfair to people?  Should it always favor some and neglect some?  Why?


Who am I?  Sure you wanna know?  You give me the answer… You who should know me all these time… You be the judge… Who am I to you?

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…Again, again, again…  How many sleepless nyts
must I survive?  HIrap pero wla naman ako magawa… Di ako makatulog
eh.. Sumthings ARE bothering me…  Tsk! I wanna be happy! (Who does
not want to be? hehe..) E2 blog na lang ulit…  Sound trip (puro naman
senti…kainis…baka sakaling antukin ako…) Nyahahay!  Daming
deadlines pero ung deadline ko sa buhay ko ang tagal dumating! Napaka
ironic…  Sana blog sagutin mo ang mga katanungan kong naghahanap ng
kasagutan… Hehe!  I’m physically, emotionally and psychologically
(yup! psychotic!) WEAK!!! Spiritually?  Ndi pa naman ako spiritually
weak… That’s one thing na kahit papano pinaglalaban ko… kso Im
really tired of working things out so how can i win things nga naman?!
Hay.. Life parang buhay! Buhay parang Life! hehe! Ah basta… Ang
dami-daming bagay na gumugulo skin ngayon!  Pero sabi nga… Be strong!
(bakit ba kc hindi included sa choices ko ang mag give-up!)

…And if you have to leave I wish that you would just leave! Coz your presence still lingers here and it won’t leave me alone!

…Here comes the rain again falling from the stars. Drenched in my pain again becoming who we are!

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VelandoLIFE IS UNFAIR…
GET USED TO IT!


Should this always be the case?
Aren’t we all creatures of one CreatoR???
Just asking…

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Have you ever asked yourself if you’re really worthy being called as a friend of somebody?  I mean have it came to your mind that maybe, just maybe, ur really not as worthy as everyone else around you…


FRIENDS…
Do you
have time for them?
Or do you always have to excuse yourself because your just too busy with other things in life?
Are you there when they need you?
Or do they have to make appointments just to talk to you?
What if they don’t need you, will you still be there?
Or will you just wait for the time that they will be needing you again?
When you talk, do you just say hi? How are you?
Or do you go into details of how they really feel?
How often do you contact them?
When you need them?
Or perhaps when they contact you?
What if they don’t contact you?
Will you do the first move of approaching them?
Or will you just wait until they come first?


And just one last question:
What if you have to beat some deadlines and then you’re friend called,
asking if you can be with him because he really needs you to be there,
and you know for a fact that it is a matter of life-and-death,
what will you do?  Beat the deadline or be there for your friend?


Now ask yourself as I have asked myself:
"Am I really a friend?"

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It was a head-to-head battle.  Arguments against arguments.  Principle against principle.  It was a night of debate of the two young leaders of our government, Rep. Escudero and Sec. Defensor. (DEBATE: August 25 Episode)

The topic:  Should the opposition accept the reconciliation being offered by PGMA?

Opposition’s arguments:

  • Reconciliation without conditions. 
  • The impeachment proceedings should still continue.  PGMA should prove to the people that she is innocent and that she should be the one supporting the impeachment if she thinks she is not guilty.
  • Reconciliation would not mean that the opposition would "hear no evil, see no evil"

Administration’s arguments:

  • If the opposition is really concern for the nation, they would accept the reconciliation being offered.  Reconciliation would unite a nation divided.
  • Sec. Defensor pointed out that the impeachment case against Erap is different from that of PGMA. The evidences and witnesses were very strong and credible during Erap’s impeachment, as against with that of PGMA’s case.  People went out with the military and ousted Erap, while in PGMA’s case people went out too many times already and yet nothing happens.
  • Stop the destabilization of the government.

THE POINT:  We are a nation divided!  It was clearly shown during that debate.  The result of the polls was divided, 50% PRO as against to another 50% ANTI.  Why are we divided? Because of these politicians!  Politicians who continuously poisons the minds of our Filipino people just to get their personal interest.  And this goes to both the administration and the opposition leaders.  Yes, democracy is working and yet THEY HAVE BEEN ABUSING DEMOCRACY!

Reconciliation would truly be impossible! Quoting Winnie Monsod, "In a reconciliation, a Dialog is needed.  What we are seeing are two monologues."  There is a process in a dialog:  First, one would say, ‘This is what I don’t like about you’, followed by, ‘But this is what I’m going to do for my part.’  It was not happening.  Pity the Philippines.  Pity the nation divided. Pity us Filipinos!

ON A POSITIVE NOTE:  I do admire our young politicians.  Them leading the two parties, is a sign that the young generations are taking part in nation building.  But what is really nice about Rep. Escudero and Sec. Defensor is that no matter how different they are on their principles, beliefs and political parties, they still remain friends.  A  nice way of putting things in its proper context.  Politics is politics, friendship is friendship!

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…I asked myself that night and find myself looking for answers that I know I would not find.  I don’t know what has gotten into me these past few days but all I know is that I am facing my deepest fears of being WORTHLESS!  I don’t really know why… All I know is that things are starting to get into me.  Some entities have been fighting inside of me.  Call me crazy but that’s how I feel.

My emotions are once again launching its war against my sanity.  It was a battle I once won (or perhaps thought had won). What I did not know was that retaliation was at hand.  And I was caught unprepared.  It would have been really easier had it been a battle between me and another person.  I could have easily find my way out had it been that way. But it was not! IT WAS ME AGAINST MYSELF! (Once again…)  And again things are starting to get  difficult.  Slowly, things are going out of their usual way.

Up until now, my emotions are battling its way to victory against my undying sanity.  A battle of heart versus mind.  Love against reasoning.  Dream versus reality.  Who will win?  I still do not know.  I really hope that the time would come when the two would meet on a certain point.  That way life would be easier.  But truth is…  NOTHING IS REALLY EASY!

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Got nothing to do in the internet? Why not try to take some online tests (http://www.tickle.com and http://www.okcupid.com)… Hehehe… Just took some of them…  Here are some of my results, just sharing them with you:


The Personality Defect Test (favorite)
SOCIOPATH ( You are 57% Rational, 28% Extroverted, 71% Brutal, and 57% Arrogant.)

You are the Sociopath! As a result of your cold, calculating
rationality, your introversion (and ability to keep quiet), your
brutality, and your arrogance, you would make a very cunning serial
killer
. You care very little for the feelings of others, possibly
because you are not a very emotional person. You are also very
calculating and intelligent, making you a perfect criminal mastermind.

Also, you are a very arrogant person, tending to see yourself as better
than others, providing you a strong ability to perceive others as weak
little animals, thus making it easier to kill them. In short, your
personality defect is the fact that you could easily be a sociopath,
because you are calculating, unemotional, brutal, and arrogant.
Please
don’t kill me for writing mean things about you!



What Kind of Friend Are You?

Astrud,  you’re a Sympathetic Sidekick

No one ever accused you
of not having a soft side. And that’s why friends flock to your
sympathetic ear and well-thought-out advice. You are tuned in to the
world around you, and you are always looking for ways to bring people
together and enjoy each other’s company.

While some
people might have one or two close friends, you like to spread your
wings and socialize with any number of people. You are open-hearted and
free-spirited, making it easy for you to find common ground with anyone
you meet. Keep up the good work — everyone could use a friend like you.


What’s Behind Your Emotions?

Astrud, your emotions are triggered by your underlying belief in Compassion

In other words, your uncompromisingly compassionate nature directly
affects how, and how often, you experience certain feelings.

For example, your test results indicate that you’re most fulfilled when
you can lend a helping hand to those who really need it. That factor is
directly related to your fundamental belief in compassion and the range
of emotions it triggers.


The Love Test:
What Are You Like in Love?

Astrud, when you’re head over heels, you are an Essential Companion

You respect and value the people in your life, but you also make your
romantic relationships a top priority. You are not typically the type
to try to impress others with fancy romantic gestures. Nor are you
someone who obsesses over your appearance.
If that special someone is
willing to take you as you are, you will happily do the same for them.
And if they’re not, chances are you should keep on following your heart
to a new love for your life — one that might be right around the
corner.


The Love Personality Test

Astrud, your love personality type is ESFJ

Being an ESFJ means that loyalty is usually what counts for you. As a
result, one of the first things others are likely to notice about you
is how invested you are in your relationships. You’re rarely a
fair-weather friend. In fact, you probably manage to keep many of your
important connections with others for life. This isn’t very surprising
when you consider that you’re the kind of person who draws much of your
energy from those around you.
Your warm and friendly nature is another
factor that keeps others with you for the long haul. Regardless of the
aspect of your life, you probably find that people naturally gravitate
to you.

In relationships, you’re the kind who gives your heart but keeps your
wits about you
. As a result, you have the stuff needed to be a strong
partner. Know that you’re more committed than most people are to making
others happy.
You’d likely give away the shirt off your back if it
would help someone you care about.


Which Reality Show’s Right for You? (favorite!)

Astrud, you’re destined for SurvivorLogo_guatemala_260

If you’re going to put yourself on display for the world to see, you
might as well get paid! That’s right, your show is Survivor, the Super
Bowl of reality shows. Okay, so technically, you’ll only be pocketing
$650,000 after taxes, but that’s pretty good coin for a little camping
trip.

It’s clear, you love the outdoors and are prepared for all the inherent
challenges that come with picking your breakfast off a shrub and your
dinner out of the bug netting. But your mental toughness is what really
qualifies you for Survivor.
You know all about the satisfaction that
comes with enduring physical challenges, but it’s the psychological
edge that’s going to keep your torch lit. You know how to read others,
press buttons, and build alliances.
The tribe has spoken: Send your
audition tape Survivor’s way.


Do You Follow Your Heart or Your Head?

Astrud, you follow your heart when it comes to success: Heart-strong idealist

You’re an impassioned individual who just can’t suppress your ideals.
You’ve got a strong sense of right and wrong, and want to let people
know when they’ve crossed the line. Sure, there are times when you sit
back to hear both sides of an argument. But people had better stay out
of the way when your fiery passions take hold.

But just because you can be a bit of a rebel with a cause, it doesn’t
mean you’re incapable of being understanding and compassionate. It’s
because you’re so invested in your ideas and interests that you can
work so tirelessly toward your goals and speak up for what you believe
in. So keep pouring your heart into it. With conviction like yours,
you’re sure to succeed! 


What Are You Afraid Of?

Astrud, you are most afraid of not being good enough

Have you  ever noticed that you’re more concerned about how others
perceive you than many people around you? Or do you sometimes worry
more than you should about doing things perfectly or feel afraid that
others will mock you in some way? If so, you’re not alone. There are
many people who share your fear of not being good enough.

It can be a real strength to recognize your fears. By being aware of
the things that frighten you, you can assess whether fear is helping
you or negatively impacting your life. For instance, a fear of not
being good enough may sometimes motivate you to take action in a
positive way, like by being more diligent in pursuing your goals than
others.

However, fear’s negative aspects can sometimes be more damaging than
you realize. Living with fear not only prevents you from living life to
the fullest; it can also have a significant negative impact on your
energy, health, and your close relationships if not kept in check.


What’s Your Destiny?: Finding Your Purpose in Life

Astrud, your destiny is to be a  Peacemaker

Whether you know it or not, this is the role that is most in tune with
who you are at your core. As a Peacemaker, you are a deeply caring and
idealistic person who is compelled to make peace on a personal level,
as well as a global one
. Your deep, quiet strength encourages other to
turn to you when they are experiencing crises. You often sacrifice
yourself for the cause you believe in
, and although your outward
appearance seems serene, your intense passion to achieve the ideal
sometimes causes inner turmoil. This is a fine thing to experience
unless it gets overly intense and causes you to cut yourself off from
the world. The fact is, as long as it doesn’t conflict with your
ideals, you long for unity and "oneness," believe in morality and
compromise for the sake of peace, and the world needs people like you.

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This a YM conversation with rosadell, share ko lang… hehe…

rosadell: trud may tanong ako sayo….kaso nasa moo ka ba ngyn?
rosadell: may
astrud_mendoza: ano?
rosadell: nagtanong lang sakin nito
astrud_mendoza: ano nga?
rosadell: destiny diba…kahit anong gawin mo or hindi basta destined na sya mangyayari talaga sya
rosadell: pero what if di ka sure kung naniniwala ka sa destiny
astrud_mendoza: well then wlang destiny
astrud_mendoza: ganun lang un
rosadell: dapat ba minsan kailang may gawin ka para mangyari yung gusto mong mangyari or mag-aantay ka nalang kc mangyayari nga talaga kung meant to be
astrud_mendoza: matter of belief
rosadell: ?
astrud_mendoza: kanya kanya kc tau ng paniniwla dyan eh
astrud_mendoza: kc para skin u have to fyt for something na alam mong para sau
astrud_mendoza: para sau ang isang bagay kung mapaptunayan mo sa lahat ng tao na kaya mo ipaglaban ang nararapat sayo
rosadell: ok….thanks…got it
rosadell: hehe
rosadell: pero minsan
astrud_mendoza: pero un ay para sa akin lang
rosadell: or pano mo malalaman kung para sayo at dapat paglaban?
astrud_mendoza: alam mo kc people have different beliefs on things’
astrud_mendoza: simle lang…
astrud_mendoza: pagkulang ka dahil wla un ibig sabihin paglaban mo
astrud_mendoza: para makumpleto ka
astrud_mendoza: kc para skin man lives in this world para kumpletuhin ang sarili nya
astrud_mendoza: d b? when a man is contented dun lang nya masasabi na pwede na sya mamatay
astrud_mendoza: which means nafullfill na nya lahat ng dapat nya magawa… kumpleto na sya… napaglaban na nya ung para sa kanya…
rosadell: para makumpleta ka….eh pano naman sya?….pano kung kumpleto ka nga…pero sya kulang naman or hindi ikaw ang kukumpleto sa kanya…diba parang ang selfish din nun? tanong lang po
astrud_mendoza: sa tingin mo ba kumpleto ka tlga nun? knowing na ung taong kasama mo may hinahanap na iba? mararamdaman mo naman un eh and i doubt if u’ll be happy with that
astrud_mendoza: wow! sana masabi ko un sa sarili ko! siyet!!!!
rosadell: honga noh…siguro mga tao kasi di nasasatisfied kaya kahit nandun na yung akala nilang kukumpleto sa kanila,in the end parang laging may kulang pa rin
rosadell: haha…edi parang nasabi mo na rin sa sarili mo pagbinasa mo yung mga na-type mo
astrud_mendoza: kc most of the time takot ang tao sa risk
astrud_mendoza: minsan takot silang mag jump into something na wlang kasiguruhan
astrud_mendoza: pero that is life… full of risk
astrud_mendoza: full of uncertainties
rosadell: now in that case I agree…minsan ang hirap ngang maging risk-taker…takot din kc sa failure
astrud_mendoza: no choice ka naman e… kung d ka mag take ng risk u’ll find urself nowhere
astrud_mendoza: ikaw din magsisisi sa huli
rosadell: no further questions your honor
rosadell: hehe
astrud_mendoza: post ko sa blog ko conversation natin ha ok lang?
rosadell: ok lang

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I’ve watched Jessica Soho’s show earlier and it was such a nice view seeing Chiz Escudero (opposition’s speaker) and Mike Defensor (DENR Secretary and PGMA’s supporter) together.  Aliw kc the two are actually friends.  It was somewhat refreshing and pleasant to see how these two men, as opposite as they may be in political beliefs, still respects each other’s position and principle.  Chiz even joked about GMA calling Garci and Mike also joked about Chiz being a future prime minister once the Charter Change is pursued.

What strucked me was when Jessica asked them if they still think that there’s hope for the Philippines surviving this political crisis.  Both of them answered yes (as expected from politicians).  But the important thing here is that no matter what they believe in eh magkasundo pa din sila.  As opposite as they maybe, they still consider themselves friends… Truly there’s hope for the Philippines! (WAG LANG MADALA NG POLITICAL SYSTEM NATIN ANG MGA YOUNG LEADERS!)

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